


When I wake up, I'm afraid (That somebody else might take my place)

by ttsg



Series: Save [2]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Religion, Religious Guilt, christian!tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:30:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7944841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttsg/pseuds/ttsg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler has started something that he can't stop. He's found that praying is no use.</p>
<p>Part two to It's as good as I can be (This is all that I can be)</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I wake up, I'm afraid (That somebody else might take my place)

**Author's Note:**

> not necessary to read the first part but it'll make a lot more sense
> 
> edit: read the first damn part, it'll make more sense
> 
> lowkey based off of the song afraid by the neighbourhood
> 
> i apologize, it's 4 am rn and i am exhausted and this all seems like such shit to me. im really honestly disappointed with myself for what i wrote so sorry in advance about how it's written.

“You’ve been so upset lately, why don’t you come to church with us today? The Lord can help you,” Tyler’s mother said one morning, poking her head into his room. Tyler rolled over and looked at her, rubbing his tired eyes as he tried to find an excuse to get out of going. He had none so he sighed, nodding his head. 

 

“Yeah, mom, I’ll go,” he said and watched as his mother smiled and left the room. Tyler pushed himself from bed, going into his closet and digging out his nice clothes. It had been awhile since he’d been to church, the slacks and button down feeling foreign on his skin. It took him five whole minutes of standing in front of the mirror before he could remember how to tie a tie. 

 

Tyler checked his phone before going downstairs.

 

_ Brent: baby, i just got into the hotel, meet me there? Room 334 _

 

Tyler sighed, scratching his head for a moment.

 

_ Tyler: I have church, you’d have to wait. Sure you still wanna do this? _

 

He got a yes in response and Tyler felt something stir in his stomach as he shoved his phone in his pocket and walked downstairs. His family smiled at him and they all walked out to the car, piling in and driving towards the chapel.

 

He listened to the priest and listened as the people around him murmured agreement. They were enthusiastic about religion, about God, they talked about miracles and good signs. Tyler focused on his little sister and her bright smile and bright eyes as she stared up at the man giving the speech. He noticed how open she was to everything, how pure she was. He smiled as he stared at her, for once being able to tune out the string of bad thoughts, the thoughts that constantly reminded him how awful he was. 

 

Today, he prayed for his sister’s future instead of his own. It was the first time in years that he asked for something other than forgiveness. He wondered if maybe the reason God had abandoned him was because he was selfish. Always asking for  _ me, me, me  _ and now Tyler wanted something for his little sister. He wanted her to grow up to a good life, he wanted her to never be plagued by the thoughts that Tyler dealt with.

 

It was over before Tyler knew it and he decided that maybe he should show up to church more, that maybe this was a step towards recovery, towards a better life. He snorted to himself when he realized that he was already planning to go meet another man at a hotel for sex. 

 

“Ready to go home?” His mother asked and Tyler looked up at her, frowning, and shaking his head.

 

“Sorry, promised a friend that I’d go see him. I’ll walk, don’t worry about it.”

 

His mother frowned but didn’t try to stop him as he pushed through the crowd and stepped outside. It was starting to get cold again and he wished he had a coat but it wasn’t too far of a walk. Far enough, though, for him to think about his choices and what it all meant for him. It was far enough for him to feel guilty for what he was about to do. Unfortunately, it wasn’t far enough for him to change his mind and turn around. 

 

He was standing in front of the room, his knuckles rapping on the door a few times. The door opened and Brent stood there, a smile on his face. Tyler walked in and took a seat on the edge of the bed, eyes closing as he felt a hand on his chin, tilting his head up. 

 

“It’s been so long, baby, I’ve missed you. Look so good dressed up, can’t wait to take it off and eat that sweet ass,” he said, leaning in and biting gently at Tyler’s earlobe, trailing open mouthed kisses down his cheek to his neck. Tyler’s cock was definitely interested but he was trying to be good, today was about change, wasn’t it?

 

“Brent, I’m sorry, I just came here to tell you that we can’t do this anymore,” he explained quietly, the words lacking the force that they needed. He wasn’t sure what feeling the words brought to his chest. He didn’t know if it was relief, that maybe he was going to be someone that Josh could love. He didn’t know if it was sadness, Tyler couldn’t lie to anyone and say he hadn’t enjoyed every night spent with Brent.

 

“You’re lying,” Brent said easily, a smirk on his face as he pulled away from Tyler, his hand still at his chin. Tyler swatted the hand away, a frown forming on his face.

 

“I’m not lying, I can’t do this anymore, I’ve got a boyfriend now,” he said, his heart rate picking up at the look in Brent’s eyes.

 

“You could have texted me and said no, could have said that you were seeing someone,” Brent whispered, his lips on Tyler’s neck again. “Why didn’t you just text me?” 

 

Tyler was trying to think but it was distracting to have lips on his neck.

 

“Because, I-” he started but there was a hand rubbing his cock through his pants and teeth sinking into his neck and Tyler had no excuse. He tipped his head back and let out a shaky moan, his hands reaching up to hold onto Brent’s arms.

 

Brent pulled back again, staring at Tyler expectantly. Tyler frowned, looking down at the floor before he sighed and met Brent’s eyes again, his hands going to his own shirt and unbuttoning it.

 

“Fine, I do want it,” he said, knowing that the words were true no matter how badly he wanted them to be wrong. Brent reached in and helped to shove the shirt off, his hands going to Tyler’s pants and popping the button with ease. Tyler stood up and his pants were off, being pushed back onto the bed. Brent was standing in front of him, stripping his own clothes off before he crawled on top of Tyler. His hands were everywhere except for Tyler’s cock and he let out a small whine.

 

“Please, I need you so bad, it’s been so long,” he whined, trying to arch up into Brent and get friction for himself. He could feel Brent smirk into his neck before he rolled his body down, his hips grinding into Tyler’s. They both let out matching moans.

 

“What? Boyfriend doesn’t give it to you as good as I do? Or does he not touch you at all?” Brent asked, his hips slow on Tyler’s, teasing and bordering on painful with the lack of lubricant. Tyler’s hand shot down to Brent’s hip, trying to still the man before it got to be too much. Brent pushed his hand away and pulled back long enough to flip Tyler over. Brent was rubbing his cock against Tyler’s ass, teasing him the whole time.

 

“Haven’t had sex,” Tyler admitted, his forehead resting against the bed spread.

 

“He wouldn’t fuck me, he couldn’t be rough,” Tyler finished, not able to get anymore out because of the fingers that were shoved into his mouth. Tyler sucked on them, his eyes falling closed as he wiggled his hips back, earning a quiet groan from Brent. He was pulling away from Tyler, his fingers at Tyler’s hole, pushing in. He still wasn’t used to taking two fingers right off the bat but he wouldn’t ask Brent to stop. He squeezed his eyes closed and fisted the sheets instead, his knuckles white and his face screwed up in pain. 

 

“Keep going,” Tyler whispered, his breath coming out in little whimpers that were both parts pain and pleasure. Brent was rougher than usual, his fingers barely slick enough, pushing in over and over. He was pushing in hard, making sure to brush his fingers over Tyler’s prostate each time. Tyler was moaning, his thighs shaking already. 

 

But Brent’s fingers were gone and Tyler whined, not once opening his eyes. Tyler was flipped over as he heard Brent spit and then felt the tip of his cock at his hole and Tyler knew that this wouldn’t be the best feeling but he wiggled his hips anyway, moaning when he felt Brent pushing in. He kept things slow for a while, enjoying watching Tyler try and push down, try and get more friction. He liked to listen to the whines and whimpers that left Tyler’s mouth, the small pleas for something rough, for something more.

 

“I’m gonna come, I’m sorry,” Tyler whispered, unable to release his grip on the sheets to even jack himself off. The hands on his hips were rough and Tyler was sure that he’d have fingerprint bruises there when this was over. Brent had no intention of helping Tyler finish, instead he fucked into him harder, his grip tightening again. 

 

Tyler choked over a moan, his body tensing as he came. He came down from his high and groaned, his body sensitive and it seemed Brent wasn’t even close. 

 

“Kiss me?” Tyler asked quietly, needing a distraction to the feeling of too much and too good, his spent cock already aching. 

 

“Turn over,” Brent grunted as he pulled out. Tyler complied, his shaky limbs barely holding him up as he turned over, presenting himself for Brent. He realized the difference between Josh and any other man he’d slept with. It wasn’t the fact that Josh was soft and beautiful though that was always a factor, it was the fact that these men would never be intimate with him. Brent would never lay down with him after they’d both finished and hold Tyler as they fell asleep. He’d never touch Tyler like he was beautiful and broken.

 

Brent finished and pulled away from Tyler, mumbling about how he needed a shower. Tyler sat up, feeling sore and tired but he couldn’t move off of the bed. He sat there and cried, feeling like he had bugs crawling over his skin, sprouting from all the places Brent had touched him. He heard the shower shut off and he hastily wiped at his eyes and nose, diving off the bed to start getting dressed.

 

“Still here? Didn’t know I was that good of a fuck,” Brent said casually, watching Tyler’s back as he stepped into his slacks.

 

“Sorry, I lost track of time, I’ll, uh, I’ll go,” he said quietly, his hands shaking and making it difficult to button his shirt. Brent must have noticed but he didn’t say anything, letting Tyler gather his things and leave. His face was red and eyes puffy and it was so painfully obvious that Tyler had been crying but he let him go anyway. Tyler went straight to Josh’s home, wrinkled church clothes and all. He knocked on the door and came face to face with Josh’s father, the man staring at him and smiling. Tyler felt like the man knew what he’d done. Tyler couldn’t lift his eyes from the ground, didn’t want to be faced with what he’d done just yet.

 

“I-I’m here to see Josh,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. The words got stuck in the back of his throat, his brain and body feeling like it might just give out. It was obvious that his father was looking for something more but he couldn’t, he felt too weak from a number of things. Tyler swallowed his fears and pushed inside, brushing past Josh’s father who tried to grab him and get him to talk. Tyler squirmed until he lost his grip and took that moment to run up the stairs, walking into Josh’s room.

 

He smiled when he saw Josh, the boy hardly even awake, his hair still a mess on his head. He smiled as well, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

 

“Tyler,” he said, his tone happy and full of sleep. He looked back at Tyler and his expression fell.

 

“Tyler, what’s wrong? You’ve been crying,” he said, scooting over to the edge of the bed and opening his arms for Tyler. 

 

Tyler walked over, still trying to keep his face impassive and far from upset but the minute that Josh touched him, pulling him down and into a hug, Tyler lost his resolve. He was sobbing, clutching at the loose shirt that was over Josh’s body. Tyler had tried so hard to hide his negative emotions, tried everyday to hide them and it was all tumbling down on him now. Every single lie he’d told Josh about what he did in his spare time, everything. Every time he said I love you to Josh felt like a lie but oh God, how he meant it. He meant every single one of those three words down to his very bones. He said those words and for a second he didn’t feel like the boy who was used almost every night for some disgusting man's pleasure. He said those words and he felt like a basketball star at his school who was deserving of every gentle touch that Josh offered.

 

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked again, his hand running through Tyler’s hair. 

 

Tyler pulled away and wiped at his face, his eyes already sore from when he was in the hotel. He knew he was going to fall asleep early and not wake up until late afternoon the next day.

 

“Just realizing I’ll never be good enough,” he mumbled, looking down at his lap. Josh inhaled and grabbed onto Tyler’s arm, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his shoulder, his neck, Tyler’s cheek.

 

“Come on, stop that, you’re good enough for me. You’ve never been anything less than that,” he said quietly. The words felt like electricity on his skin and Tyler shot up, pushing away the hands that were on him. He knew that Josh’s words were wrong and it hurt that he still felt that slimy feeling of lying.

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here, I need to go,” he said quietly, eyes darting around the room. His ass was still sore and he swore that he could feel Brent’s come leaking out of him. He knew that that wasn’t the case but it sure seemed like it.

 

“Tyler, come on,” Josh said, standing up and trying to follow after him but Tyler was running, trying to get away from Josh and away from Josh’s father and away from anything good or bad in his life. He wanted neutral. He wanted to not feel. He wondered if it would be easier if he was dead. 

 

Josh tried so hard to get Tyler to stay but the boy was gone, running down the street in the direction of his home. 

 

Tyler went straight to his room and logged onto his computer on a whim. It was the first time he had gotten on since him and Josh had gotten together. He had notification after notification of men who had wanted to meet him someplace for a quick fuck. Tyler drowned his feelings that night in the bed of another man. Two men, actually. He bounced between house to hotel, smiling at them and letting his hands wander down their bodies. He moaned when they pulled his hair, smacked his ass, told him how good of a boy he was for them, as if this was the only person he’d been with. 

 

“Opened yourself up for me?” The second man asked, his hands groping at Tyler’s ass, one finger slipping inside to feel that he was already stretched, already waiting to take another cock. Tyler moaned, wiggling his hips.

 

“Only for you,” he whispered and they both knew it was a blatant lie. The other man surely could tell that Tyler already looked used and abused, his body covered in faint bruises and his hole so obviously red from being fucked. But it seemed that they both chose blissful ignorance and to continue on like the man wasn’t cheating and that Tyler wasn’t cheating either. 

 

This man was a little more handsy. He wanted Tyler to suck him and come in Tyler’s mouth and it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to. Tyler sunk to his knees and took the man’s cock into his mouth, his tongue sliding over the tip of his cock. The man finished quickly, standing there and praising Tyler as Tyler jacked himself off, a small sob coming out as he came on his legs and the floor. Tyler stood up and was pushed into the wall, lips on his and a hand on his cock. He was so sensitive already and it was starting to hurt. He tried to push the man away but he was noticeably smaller, weaker.

 

“Stop, please,” he said, feeling tears start to come to his eyes. The man pulled away and hastily grabbed his clothes, mumbling as he did. He turned around when he had his pants loosely around his waist, an accusing finger pointed at Tyler.

 

“No good fucking whore, can’t even let a man touch his dick,” he said, finishing dressing quickly and leaving Tyler standing there alone and a little cold. He didn’t like the way the man had addressed him but Tyler couldn’t help but agree. 

 

He went home that night and sat with his family at the dinner table, their conversation so bright and lively while Tyler could barely even stomach eating. His mother kept glancing at him, waiting for him to take a bite and he did, only because she was watching. The food tasted bland, made his stomach roll and he was beyond sick. 

 

His family didn’t question him when he got up and left the dinner table. He went to his room and sat on his bed for a while, biting at his nails until he tasted blood.

 

Tyler pushed off his bed and was on his knees. It was an attempt at praying but he stopped before he really got anywhere, his knees bruised and painful. It was then that he realized that it felt the same sitting here, about to pray, as it would be to have someone about ready to shove their cock down his throat. It was then that he realized that he couldn’t get away from himself, that he’d started something that was beyond his control. 

 

He gave up on prayer, shoving at the bed until he fell back, his ass hurting just as much as his knees did. Tyler rolled to his side and curled in on himself, a sob breaking out. 

 

Josh called his phone over and over through the night, still confused at Tyler’s outburst, at his sudden departure. Tyler didn’t answer a single one of them but he did show up on Josh’s front porch the next morning, ringing the doorbell and hoping that Josh’s dad wouldn’t answer. Luck, for once, was on his side. Josh was standing in the door, looking slightly unimpressed with Tyler.

 

He figured that if Josh yelled it would hurt far less than the cold stare. Tyler couldn’t hold it together long enough, tears spilling over his face. He knew he was selfish for coming, selfish for what he was about to ask but he couldn’t help himself, he needed Josh more than he cared to admit.

 

“I-is this us breaking up?” He said, wiping harshly at his face. Josh seemed to soften, his gaze turning down to the floor instead.

 

“No, Tyler, it’s not. You know I care about you,” he said quietly and it felt like knives in Tyler’s chest but he welcomed the pain. He welcomed it because even if he would end up hurting Josh, it didn’t change the fact that the boy made him happy in ways none of the men Tyler had slept with could. He thought of Brent and how he’d changed, how the gentle touches before vanished and how he was only good for sex anymore. Brent wouldn’t kiss him, wouldn’t finish inside of him while he stared at Tyler’s face. 

 

Josh was the opposite. Josh was all loving touches and kind words. He was a nice blanket on a cold day, it was being tucked in after crying. It was everything Tyler needed and everything he didn’t deserve.

 

“But,” Josh started, frowning as he watched Tyler’s shoulders slump further, “You can’t just ignore me like that. You can’t just cry and then leave and not answer me, that hurt.” Tyler stepped forward and pressed into Josh, feeling arms around himself. It was comfort that he’d been longing for and he realized why he couldn’t leave Josh.

 

He spent the night, not wanting to have to deal with his mother who was bound to ask about Tyler leaving the dinner table the night before. 

 

Josh kissed Tyler and was all roaming hands, gentle hands. He held Tyler and pulled him in close and Tyler held him back, his hands going everywhere. It was calming. But then Josh let out a soft moan. Tyler pulled back and looked at his face, Josh’s cheeks growing red.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just been awhile since we fooled around,” he mumbled, about ready to push Tyler away. Tyler leaned in instead and pecked Josh’s lips, his hands at Josh’s belt.

 

“It’s okay, baby, let me help,” he whispered, his hand sliding into Josh’s jeans and cupping him through his boxers, a small smile on his face as he felt Josh grow hard under his touch. Tyler was on his knees, tugging Josh’s jeans down to his thighs, leaning in and mouthing at him through his boxers, listening to the quiet murmurs from his boyfriend.

 

It felt too much like autopilot, a little too much like he could hear other men whispering to him and touching his hair, his cheek, running fingers over his lips but Tyler blocked those thoughts, wanting to remember that this was Josh,  _ his Josh _ , that this was different. No matter how many times he repeated in his head that it was different, it never felt like it was. 

 

It was still a cock in his mouth, the same motions, everything the same. He ran his tongue along the underside, his eyes closing as he took Josh’s cock into his mouth. The moans jumbled together in his head, the sounds of other men mixing in with Josh. He figured this was his punishment, that he would never be able to enjoy Josh the way that he should, that he would be riddled with guilt for the rest of his miserable life. 

 

Josh’s hand was soft in his hair, a pleasant feeling.

 

“Love you so much, Ty, you were made for this, so good,” Josh rambled, his head tilted back. It hit a nerve somewhere in Tyler’s body, felt like lightning through his bones. He pulled off of Josh, eyes wide as he stared up at him. He didn’t see Josh, he saw the other men who’d whispered the same things to him and he didn’t see Josh. He was crying, his body sagging against the wall next to him as he covered his face, trying to hide from Josh, from everything. His shoulders shook violently as he cried, debating about if he needed to dash to the bathroom to throw up or not.

 

Josh crouched down by Tyler, pulling him into a hug.

 

“Tyler, this is twice now that you’ve wound up crying, what’s going on?” He asked, worried now that something bad had happened. Tyler only shook his head, scared of what would happened if Josh knew the things he had done. 

 

“Please, Tyler,” Josh said, a few tears coming to his eyes as well. Tyler fought to pull himself together. He shoved Josh’s arms off of him, sitting down on the floor and wiping at the tears. 

 

“It’s nothing, okay? Quit worrying,” he said softly but his eyes were puffy and his breathing was irregular. He couldn’t meet Josh’s eyes and it was obvious that everything was a lie but Josh chose to play dumb and nod. 

 

“Y-yeah, okay. We can go downstairs and watch a movie?” He asked to which Tyler nodded. They both stood and walked downstairs, Tyler curling up on the couch while Josh got the DVD player set up. They settled on Disney classics, both of them smiling to each other as the first movie played. It was 101 Dalmatians, something Tyler had watched repeatedly as a kid. 

 

Josh went to the couch and sat down, opening his arms as Tyler curled into his chest. 

 

They sat like that for hours, watching movie after movie, Josh always returning to the spot next to Tyler, always with open arms. He could tell that Tyler was dealing with something, the way his eyes sometimes got distant, the way that he was still crying even though he said it was the movie. Josh knew better than to believe a word of it, he also knew better than to push when Tyler was already so fragile. He opted for comfort instead. He was more than happy to hold Tyler and be a solid figure until Tyler was ready to talk. 

 

Josh’s dad walked in from the garage when he’d returned from work, his eyes going to the two boys, lingering on Tyler for a moment too long. 

 

He carried on a short conversation with Josh about dinner, unimportant information.

 

“Is he staying the night again?” Josh’s dad asked, looking back over to the two boys. Josh looked down at Tyler who didn’t even bother to look up. Josh worried that he’d started crying again with the way Tyler shook. 

 

“I was hoping you’d be okay with that?” Josh tried, rubbing his hand over Tyler’s bicep, hoping that it was comforting. 

 

“I have no objections,” he said and left to go upstairs, leaving the two boys alone.

 

“M-maybe we could go to my place instead?” Tyler asked, not lifting his head from where it was on Josh’s chest. Josh frowned, his hand stilling.

 

“You said we couldn’t, that your mom would ask too many questions?” Josh asked, listening as Tyler cursed under his breath. 

 

“Besides,” Josh started, running his hand over Tyler’s skin again, “If we go over there then I can’t hold your hand and cuddle with you as much.”

 

Tyler kept quiet after that. He went through the motions of eating dinner with Josh’s family, pushing his food around with a fork. He pretended to be interested in the conversation, pretended he didn’t notice the glances from Josh’s father, the way he looked Tyler up and down as if he expected something. Tyler knew, oh God, how he wished he didn’t know.

 

Josh said goodnight, dragging Tyler along behind him. They were safe inside Josh’s room, Tyler was safe. 

 

Tyler still went downstairs to get water once Josh was asleep, Tyler knew what he was doing but he had no control over his body. He screamed to himself, begging himself to go back upstairs, to stop himself. He turned around and saw Josh’s father on the couch, watching him, waiting for him. 

 

“You’ve been sleeping over a lot, did you miss me?” He asked, patting his lap. Tyler’s feet moved on their own, slowly walking over to the couch, seeing Josh’s father in the same spot that he had been with Josh earlier. He pulled Tyler down, kissing him. It was different than Josh’s kisses. This one was rough, biting, it expected things of Tyler. He missed Josh, he missed the lazy comfort, the sweetness. 

 

This man was all teeth and hands, pulling Tyler in close. He was nails that dug into skin and left marks. 

 

There was a hand in his hair, pulling him off of the man’s lap, onto the floor.

 

“Need to be quick, my wife has a red eye flight, she’ll be awake soon,” he said, his hand tight in Tyler’s hair, pulling him so he was right at the man’s hip. Tyler cried out with how badly it hurt, wishing he could get away but he didn’t even try. His hands were at the man’s pants, unbuttoning them and pulling them down, his hands moving to his underwear, pulling them down as well. 

 

He stalled, for the first time in his life, he thought of how he could get out of the situation but the hand in his hair was impatient, tugging harder. Tyler had his hands on the man’s cock, working him slowly as he leaned in, his lips wrapping around the head of his cock. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see who it was, never wanting to see who it was. 

 

“Not fast enough,” he grunted, his hips rocking into Tyler’s mouth. Tyler got the message and relaxed his throat, letting himself be used. He listened quietly to the grunts and moans, tried to ignore the thought that he had done this for someone only hours ago that treated him better. 

 

“Your mouth was made for getting fucked,” he said and Tyler felt his eyes water at the words. He was crying, remembering Josh, the sweet boy who’d only tried to love him. He was asleep upstairs, oblivious to the things that happened when Tyler left his bed and his embrace. 

 

The man saw the tears, ran his fingers over Tyler’s cheeks before he grunted again, his hand tightening on Tyler’s hair and his hips pushing in faster. Tyler choked as it hit the back of his throat, he knew his place though. He kept quiet and worked the man with his tongue, grabbing at his hips like he was dying for more, like he needed the man’s come on his tongue right then and there. He looked up at the man through his wet lashes, moaning quietly like this was the best cock he’d had in his mouth.

 

The man came then, a moan on his lips and finally,  _ finally _ , releasing his grip on Tyler’s hair. 

 

Tyler swallowed what was in his mouth, falling backwards and away from Josh’s father. His hand flew to his hair, fingers trying to soothe his scalp as he watched Josh’s father tuck himself away again and leave like nothing bad had even happened. He went upstairs and crawled back into bed with his wife and pretended like nothing had happened. Tyler was expected to do the same, their silent mutual agreement to not out one another. Tyler went to the bathroom and threw up instead. 

 

All that came out was stomach acid and come. 

 

He slept on the couch, woken up a few hours later as lights were flicked on.

 

“Tyler?” Josh’s mother asked, her eyebrows raised as she saw him curled up on the couch, head pillowed on the armrest. He rubbed at his eyes sleepily, sitting up and trying to think and remember what she was asking of him.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he mumbled even though an apology wasn’t necessary.

 

“Did you and Josh get into a fight?” She asked, worried now. She knew how close they had gotten in the time they’d been dating, she knew how happy Josh was, how happy Tyler was.

 

“No, we didn’t,” he said, starting to get up to go join Josh in bed, “You know, I just remembered that I didn’t do my chores.” He walked towards the front door, ignoring Josh’s mother as she said something about it being midnight, that it was too late to leave.

 

He snuck into his own home and curled up in bed and cried until his body gave out and he fell asleep.

 

He woke up without a single text message asking where he was, no phone call, nothing. Tyler wondered if maybe Josh’s father outed their arrangement. He couldn’t imagine that that was what happened but he still worried.

 

Tyler had built a habit around Josh. Up until then they were either together or texting and the sudden radio silence hurt Tyler. He felt like he had done something wrong, of course he had, he didn’t know how to apologize for whatever he had done, he didn’t know what he had done. He had left without telling Josh, knew that it would worry his boyfriend. Maybe that was what he needed to apologize for. 

 

Instead, he sat on his bed and stared at his phone. He ignored his mother's attempts to get him to go downstairs and join the family. 

 

He called Josh that night and listened as it rang. He had practiced what to say over and over, had it written down in front of him so he could absolutely not forget. He listened as it went to voicemail, Josh’s voice apologizing for not picking up. Tyler frowned and tried again. It rang once before it went to voicemail. He knew right then that Josh was ignoring him. Tyler set his phone down and didn’t even have the energy to cry. He curled up on his bed, staring blankly at the wall. His mother came in, a worried look on her face.

 

“Tyler, I already told you dinner was ready, we’re waiting for you and the food is getting cold,” she said, trying to sound stern. Tyler didn’t even move his eyes to look at her.    
  
“Not hungry,” he said simply and she stalled in the door, unsure of what to do.

 

Tyler could hear his parents arguing that night when they went to bed. They thought that their children were asleep, that Tyler was asleep. They didn’t know that he heard his name being tossed around in their argument. 

 

His mother was begging to get him help, that he needed to see somebody but his father denied that he was broken. He kept saying that Tyler just needed a hobby or some new friends. 

 

Tyler snorted and rolled to his back, holding his pillow over his face. He wished he had the strength to suffocate himself, wished that he wouldn’t lose consciousness and then pressure over his nose and mouth. He held the pillow tighter and screamed into it as loud as he dared. 

 

His parents stopped arguing and he went to sleep.

 

It took three days before Josh finally texted Tyler back.

 

_ Josh: sorry, i got busy with some stuff _

 

_ Tyler: No, no, it’s okay, I just missed you and wanted to talk :) _

 

_ Josh: yeah same _

 

Tyler set his phone down and went to sleep.

 

He woke up hoping that he’d have a text, a call, something. The only notification he had was Instagram telling him that somebody had liked his photo.

 

_ Tyler: Could I come over today? I’m in some serious need of cuddling. _

 

_ Josh: no, im going over to my friends house _

 

Tyler let the subject drop and went downstairs to eat dinner with his family. They were all surprised that he left his room. After dinner his mother pulled him into the hall, her hands on her arms, trying to get him to make eye contact.

 

“Baby, if something’s wrong, you can talk to me,” she said quietly. Tyler met her eyes and saw the sadness and pain that he felt reflected in her eyes.

 

“Mom, I’m sorry,” he said, leaning into her as he started crying. She ran a hand through his hair gently and held him as he cried. She kept whispering about how things would be okay and he wished that it was true.

 

“Why don’t you go upstairs and take a shower? Get clean and then tomorrow we’ll do something fun?” She asked and Tyler pulled away, wiping at his face before he nodded.

 

Tyler took a shower and curled up in bed, pulling his phone out and seeing that Josh still hadn’t send one message.

 

_ Tyler: Can I please come over tomorrow? We really need to talk and I miss you. _

 

_ Josh: maybe a different day im gonna be with my friend _

 

Tyler threw his phone at the wall and wished that he didn’t have a protective case on it. 

 

His phone bounced off the wall and skidded on the floor, the screen undamaged as it lit up, showing the last text he had gotten from Josh. Tyler knew that he messed a lot of things up, knew that he really didn’t deserve somebody as good and pure as Josh but it still hurt to watch it slip away. It hurt to know that Josh left him without even knowing the messed up stuff Tyler had done. He left because he no longer saw that shred of decency in Tyler, no longer cared. Tyler hadn’t even admitted to his mistakes and had already lost the one good thing in his life.

 

His mother couldn’t drag him out of bed the next day. 

 

The only thing that got Tyler to move was his ringtone, loud and annoying. He dove off his bed and almost cried when he saw Josh’s contact on his screen.

 

He answered it quickly, almost dropping his phone in his haste to get it to his ear.

 

“Josh?” He asked, sniffling as he sat back down on his bed, eyes wide as he listened to a yawn come through the line.

 

_ “Sorry that I’ve been so busy,”  _ Josh said softly, obvious that he was tired.

 

“No, no, you don’t need to apologize, it’s okay. I just wanted to see you, I know I’m not your only friend,” he said, crawling back under his covers as he waited for Josh to speak.

 

_ “You can come over tomorrow?”  _ Josh offered.

 

“Yes, of course. I’ll be over as soon as my mom lets me leave,” he said a little too quickly. Josh said goodbye and hung up, not giving Tyler the chance to say anything more. 

 

Tyler’s mother was happy to see that he managed to get out of bed. She smiled wider when he said he was going out with a friend. 

 

He was on Josh’s front porch, knocking on the door. The first thing he saw was Josh and the first thing he did was cry.

 

“Oh, shit,” Josh whispered, stepping in close and pulling Tyler into a hug. Tyler gripped at his boyfriend's shirt, feeling like if he let go then Josh might slip away again.

 

“Come on, let’s go cuddle,” Josh said, guiding Tyler as best he could to the couch. Tyler was stumbling, eyes too wet to make a clear picture. He held onto Josh instead of face forward and walk normally. They sat down and Josh pulled Tyler in close again.

 

“Why are you crying? You don’t need to be,” he said softly, resting his chin on top of Tyler’s head. 

 

“I-I thought you were breaking up with me. You were avoiding me and I just,” he stopped as he tried to catch his breath and calm down. A shiver ran through his spine and he pressed closer to Josh, needing to feel him, needing to feel the solid weight of another person to remind himself he wasn’t alone. Tyler wasn’t alone, Josh was still there.

 

“No, Tyler, come on. I had a friend over who I haven’t seen in a long time. We went to the beach and stuff, I’m sorry,” Josh said and Tyler wiped at his eyes. He was confused why Josh couldn’t have just said that but he shrugged and took it with a small smile.

 

“It’s okay,” Tyler said, his arm wrapping around Josh in return.

 

They stayed tangled together until Josh’s parents came home, neither moving until dinner was ready and they absolutely had to. Tyler clung to Josh like he was a lifeline.

 

He held Josh’s hand as they walked to the kitchen, held it on the way over to the table. He scooted closer so that their knees would touch under the table. He knew that his behavior might have been annoying but he needed it and Josh didn’t complain. Tyler helped Josh wash the dishes. It was only a one man job but Tyler insisted, practically begged.

 

They went to go lay down and Josh sat on his bed nervously, watching as Tyler pulled his shirt off. 

 

“Tyler?” Josh asked quietly, fidgeting when Tyler turned and looked at him.

 

“Sorry, I was just wondering if, I don’t know, maybe we could have sex? We’ve been dating for awhile and we’ve hardly done anything and I want to, Tyler. I promise you won’t hurt me,” he said, sounding almost hopeful. Tyler felt sick at the mention of it and he shook his head quickly. 

 

“I’m just really tired, can’t we just lay together?” He asked, hating the way Josh looked after being told no. Tyler knew it went beyond being horny and wanting to come, he knew there was a reason Josh asked. He didn’t want to think about whatever that reason was. 

 

Josh was asleep within minutes, barely stirring when Tyler got up. He walked down the stairs quietly, finding Josh’s father in the kitchen, his arms crossed.

 

“You’re always so tight, missed your ass,” he said to Tyler, pulling him in roughly and turning him around. Tyler felt the counter digging into his back.

 

“Okay, let’s make it quick. I’m tired and I want to sleep,” he said, not thinking about how he could have just stayed in bed. He could have curled up around his boyfriend and gone to sleep and this never would have been a problem. 

 

It was the same as always, rough hands that never apologized. They pushed Tyler’s pants down, turned him around and shoved him into the counter again. It was rough fingers that opened him up quickly. There was barely enough lube for Tyler to make up for the fact that it was too quick, too rough. He whimpered in pain as the fingers left.

 

But then it was a cock, pushing in and pulling out without even giving Tyler the chance to adjust. He moaned as the pain wore away and it turned into something he’d learned to call pleasure.

 

The hands were still rough, grabbing at his hips, his hair, leaving behind red marks that could have become bruises. The hand was rough as it slapped his skin. The hand was rough as it pulled Tyler’s hips, forcing the man’s cock in farther and harder. Tyler felt like a Barbie doll, being controlled by someone else. He didn’t feel real, not even with the sparks of pleasure that ran through his body as Josh’s father brushed against his prostate. 

 

Tyler moaned and begged to come but the words hardly reached his ears, the words weren’t his own. He was another plaything of God, put into a dollhouse that wanted nothing but evil things and evil deeds. Tyler knew he didn’t deserve this treatment.

 

Yet he still felt shame coursing through him. He heard the sounds of the man above him and felt the counter digging into his skin, felt himself being used and the most he could feel was shame.

 

He couldn’t even ask for forgiveness, he knew he didn’t deserve that much.

 

He didn’t even ask for a do-over as he heard the surprised squeak of his boyfriend who had stumbled sleepily into the kitchen. He’d come for a glass of water, maybe he came to see if Tyler really had left him again. He found something else.

 

Josh’s father pulled out and hastily put himself back together. He was brushing past his own son as he was still trying to put his belt back on. 

 

Tyler didn’t have the decency anymore to cover himself. Maybe it was the strength that he lacked. 

 

His knees gave out and he was a puddle on the floor, his eyes drifting to Josh. His boyfriend was staring blankly at the spot where Tyler’s hands had been, the spot where he was fucked roughly by his boyfriends father. Josh opened and closed his mouth a few times and Tyler closed his eyes. He couldn’t even cry.

 

“Is that why you wanted to come over so bad?” Josh asked, his voice even. Tyler sobbed then, struggling on the floor to get his pants back up. He pushed his body off the floor, giving up when his legs wouldn't work. He sat instead, staring at Josh’s feet.

 

“No, I wanted to come over for you,” he said, his voice shaky as he tried to get himself to calm down and think rationally about the situation.

 

“Is he the only one?” Josh asked, still not moving his eyes from the spot. 

 

“Josh, please, it meant nothing to me,” he tried, terrified of what the answer to Josh’s question would do to him.

 

“That’s not what I asked,” he said simply and Tyler broke out in another round of sobs. He rested his forehead on his knees, wishing he could crawl into a hole in the ground.

 

“N-no, he’s not,” Tyler finally got out. He felt hands on his shoulders, gentle hands that soothed the red marks on his skin. Gentle hands that helped him to his feet and upstairs. They were so gentle as they guided Tyler into bed and tucked him in.

 

Josh didn’t cuddle with Tyler that night.

 

Tyler was woken by a hand on his shoulder, shaking him. Tyler cracked his eyes open to see Josh. He would have smiled and asked for a kiss but Josh was talking.

 

“I think it’s time you left,” he said, that same dead look on his face from the night before. Tyler sat upright quickly, rubbing at his eyes.

 

“No, please, I can explain,” he said quickly, frantic, trying desperately for Josh to not kick him out now.

 

“What? Explain what, Tyler? That you slept with my dad? Was that the first time? Please tell me that was the first time,” he said, anger briefly moving through Josh’s eyes. Tyler shook his head.

 

“That wasn’t the first time,” he admitted, looking down at his lap. He felt like a Barbie doll again except this time, he was alone. Useless limbs that only served to weigh him down, that wouldn’t move. He was stuck.

 

“How long?”

 

“Since the beginning.”

 

Tyler hadn't been expecting the anger to bubble up so quickly.

 

Josh reached up and tugged at his own hair for a moment before he wiped at the tears that had fallen down his cheeks.

  
“Was I just a piece in your game? Were you using me to get to my dad? He’s married, ya know? He’s got a wife and fucking children. This is my family you came in and fucked up,” Josh yelled, turning and pointing an accusing finger at Tyler.

 

“Please, Josh, it’s not like that at all. I wasn’t using you, please, just let me explain,” Tyler said quickly but he didn’t know what he would even explain. That he found enjoyment in sleeping with men twice his age? That he liked the feeling of dirty carpet on his knees or that he liked being the reason somebody moaned? 

 

“Is this why you wouldn’t have sex with me? The reason why every time we fooled around it was half a blow job or you just quickly jacking me off?” Josh asked, his voice getting quiet, realization dawning on him. Tyler shook his head furiously.

 

“No, Josh, that’s not why. I just, fuck, please let me explain,” he said quickly, needing a few minutes to let everything spill out. 

 

“There isn’t anything to explain. Get out,” Josh said and Tyler had seen this coming before they had even kissed.

 

Tyler scrambled off the bed and grabbed his shirt, tugging it on as he ran down the stairs. He left Josh’s house with his shoelaces untied and his jacket halfway on.

 

Tyler didn’t leave bed for two days. He had a couple concerned visitors, his mother and his brother, asking nicely if he’d come down for dinner, for breakfast, please eat something. He shook his head each time, not moving from the burrow of blankets he’d created.

 

There was nothing left in him to cry out. He’d sobbed and begged that first day, prayed to God to let Josh forget or to let him understand. He knew his words were useless as they were with Josh. 

 

On the third day the growling in Tyler’s stomach got to be too much and he stumbled down the stairs. His mother was relieved but didn’t say anything and he didn’t either. Tyler made a sandwich and then disappeared back up to his room. 

 

On the fourth day Tyler drowned himself in the moans of other men. He got back on the website and answered a few messages and agreed to meet them wherever. Tyler’s mother was happy that he was going out with friends. Tyler didn’t feel one way or the other. 

 

Tyler couldn’t think about anything when there was a hand in his hair and a cock in his ass. He couldn’t worry when a cock was fucking his throat. He couldn’t find it in himself anymore to even feel shame as the man above him whispered praise about how good he was, how good his mouth was. They told him he was pretty as he came onto the dirty bed sheets and Tyler felt something in his chest. They came in his mouth and Tyler realized he was in love with Josh.

 

There was a man who was persistent in trying to get with Tyler. He wasn’t used to that and decided that what could it hurt? What was one more man to the list of all the others who had touched him? Maybe this man would be nice. Maybe he would stroke Tyler through his orgasm like the last man had. Maybe this man would compliment him. Tyler didn’t even mind being called a girl anymore if he was receiving praise. 

 

This man, though, wouldn’t touch him.

 

They got to the hotel room and Tyler pushed him onto the bed, disappointed that the gentle or rough hands weren’t on him. He wiggled his hips as he crawled into the man's lap. He whined as he pulled away from the man's neck.

 

“Touch me, please, I want it. I want to feel you in me, please,” Tyler begged and his words were the breaking point. Hands were on him but they were shoving him away, not pulling him closer. Tyler was on the floor but there was nobody above him.

 

He stood up quickly to see the man watching him.

 

“Why won't you touch me? Am I not good enough?” Tyler asked with a pout and the man let out a sigh.

 

“Tyler, stop this. I am not going to touch you,” he said, walking back over to the bed and sitting down. Tyler stood there frozen, not sure what he should do if this man had no intent on having sex. Tyler smirked and walked closer, squeezing himself in between the man's legs. He palmed himself from over his jeans, keeping eye contact with the man.

 

“Did you want to watch me touch myself? I’ve never had anyone watch me before, I don’t mind,” he said, his smirk changing as he let out a soft moan. The man grabbed his wrists, guiding Tyler until he was seated next to the man.

 

“My name is Officer Jameson,” he said softly and Tyler realized why this man wouldn’t touch him. Tyler flinched away from the man, too shocked to do much more.

 

“Oh, God, I didn’t do anything wrong, please don’t arrest me,” Tyler said, eyes wide as he looked around the room, trying to find a way out.

 

“Tyler, please, I’m not here to arrest you. Do you need help?” He asked and Tyler was about to throw up. He jumped to his feet and bolted from the room. 

 

He didn’t stop running until he was home, safe inside and on his own couch. His mother gave him a look but didn’t question anything. He sat with his family on the couch and listened as his mother gushed about how happy she was he was doing okay. He ate dinner with his family, listening as his happy family talked and chatted all the way until they dispersed for bed. Tyler’s eyes were glued on the front door, terrified that the doorbell might ring.

 

The doorbell rang the next day. 

 

Tyler didn’t leave his room, pressing his ear against his door as he listened to what was going on. He cracked the door when he couldn’t hear, seeing a black uniform on whoever was at the door. He heard his name. He knew who it was.

 

“Tyler, come down here,” his mother said, turning around and catching him snooping. She looked as terrified as he felt. He walked down the stairs slowly, the officer’s eyes drifting to him. 

 

“Ma’am, would it be okay if I talked with your son alone? He’s not in any trouble, I can assure you. This is just a routine check up,” the officer said. Tyler’s mother nodded and waved her hand in the direction of the living room. 

 

“Yes, that’s fine, right through there,” she said hesitantly, walking over to the stairs. She grabbed gently at Tyler’s face, her eyes tearful, “Baby, what did you do?”

 

Tyler brushed her hands off and walked the rest of the way down the stairs, sighing as he headed into the living room, the officer trailing behind him. They sat on couches opposite each other, Tyler staring at the floor.

 

“I’m fine,” he started off with, not sure what to make of the meeting. The officer sighed and rubbed his hands together.

 

“Tyler, I know what you’ve been doing. There was an anonymous tip that you might be in trouble,” he said quietly, watching for a reaction. Tyler frowned, biting the inside of his cheek.

 

“Who told on me?” He asked, feeling anger at the fact that somebody told on him, he was doing fine. 

 

“It’s anonymous for a reason. Tyler, they were concerned that you were raped,” the officer said. Tyler scoffed at the concern.

 

“Raped? I wasn’t raped, I said yes,” he tried but his bottom lip trembled and he was crying. The officer stayed quiet, waiting for Tyler to speak again.

 

“I swear I wasn’t raped, I did say yes to them, I just,” he bit his lip and looked over to the wall.

 

“Why don’t you explain it to me, then. Tyler, I’m here to help with whatever you need. You aren’t in trouble, I just want you to be okay. People are concerned,” the officer said and Tyler sighed. 

 

He explained how his parents never would have accepted him as gay, how they would have shamed him for wanting sex in general.

 

“I just felt trapped and I wanted to experience things. I went online and this guy was nice to me. It felt good, okay? I liked it. I had fun and I talked to other guys and it got out of hand, I guess.” He stopped himself, looking down at the floor and feeling more tears come to his eyes. 

 

“There’s more?” The officer prompted, sensing that Tyler was on the edge of something.

 

“It’s nothing important. I met this boy and we started dating. He’s great but when I went to his house to meet his family, uhm, his father was one of the people I’d met at a hotel,” Tyler let out a sigh and ran a hand nervously through his hair, “I didn’t mean to but when I went downstairs to get water he was waiting for me and we fucked. Then again and again, every time I was at Josh’s house.” 

 

The officer had a particular look on his face that Tyler couldn’t place.

 

“Tyler, did you want to have sex with Josh’s father?” He asked quietly. Tyler thought for a moment before he shook his head, looking down at the floor.

 

“I kept praying to get help. I kept praying to stop. I wanted to be good for Josh, I wanted him to be proud of me but I can’t.” 

 

The officer sighed and waited until Tyler met his eyes.

 

“Tyler, if you want to press charges on Josh’s father, you can,” he said quietly and Tyler shook his head. 

 

“No, I can’t. Josh already said I’d fucked his family up, I just want to forget about what I’ve done,” he said and the officer nodded his head. 

 

“I can get you therapy, if you need. I can do it without your parents finding out. If you want to go to a group for people who are gay, I have resources. I have therapists who specialize in rape, in child abuse. Your parents won't need to know,” he explained and Tyler realized that maybe God had listened to him. 

 

“Should I talk to Josh?” He asked, not looking up. The officer was quiet for a moment before he nodded his head.

 

“I think you should. Give him some time to cool down before you do anything, be calm and rational. If you really need this as closure and he won't listen, I can help.” 

 

Help, help,  _ help,  _ God had listened. Tyler nodded his head and thanked the officer. He was handed a card that had phone numbers on it. 

 

“Call me when you’re ready. My offer for these therapists won't change. Free of charge, these people are here to help you.”

 

Tyler hid in his room for a week, sneaking down after everyone was in bed to satisfy his hunger. He felt empty and emotionless still. He spent most of his days looking through his phone, at the few photos he had of him and Josh. They were smiling in all of them, kissing in a few. Tyler read through their conversations, smiling a few times at the dumb jokes Josh liked to send. 

 

Tyler hid in his room for a week before he left, showered, and told him mom he was going to a friends house. 

 

He stood on Josh’s front porch and stared at the door before he walked down to the sidewalk and pulled his phone out, dialing the number he had been given on a card.

 

_ “This is Officer Jameson,”  _ the voice answered and Tyler let out a breath.

 

“Hi, it’s Tyler,” he said softly, toeing at a loose rock. He scratched it along the pavement. 

 

_ “Did you want to talk to somebody?”  _ He asked. Tyler shook his head even though it couldn’t be seen. 

 

“Do you think it’s a good idea for me to talk to Josh?” He asked and the officer let out a sigh.

 

_ “Honestly? There’s no real answer. In some cases it’s good for both parties to get closure and to come to terms with what happened. I think it would be good for Josh to understand what happened to you.” _

 

Tyler hung up after that and marched up to Josh’s door, knocking on it and waiting patiently. It opened and the first thing he saw was Josh.

 

“The cops showed up at my house,” Tyler said before the door could be slammed in his face. Josh’s face screwed up in confusion, peeking his head out of the door to look around. 

 

“What?” He asked, incredulous. He opened the door wider and Tyler felt hope.

 

“Can I just explain? The cop just wanted to talk and he, fuck, Josh, he helped me understand what was going through my head and what I was doing,” Tyler said quickly, looking to the floor. Josh stepped out of the doorway and let Tyler enter. 

 

Tyler felt like a stranger even though he’d spent countless hours in this house. They sat on the couch but they didn’t cuddle. Josh wouldn’t let Tyler touch him. 

 

So Tyler sat down and explained. He said the same story that he told the officer, giving Josh a few more details. He told Josh what the officer said.

 

“Raped?” Josh asked softly and Tyler shrugged.

 

“That’s what he kept saying but I don’t feel like I was. I said yes and I enjoyed it,” he said, looking down at the floor, feeling his stomach churn. 

 

They were both quiet for a long time.

 

“Josh, I don’t expect you to take me back but I need you to forgive me. I need you to tell me that it’s okay. Just lie and tell me it wasn’t my fault. I’m gonna try and get some help, I’m gonna talk to someone but I need this first,” Tyler said, practically begging Josh. He looked up to Josh’s face and saw that there wasn’t any anger.

 

“Come on, don’t think so little of me. You dealt with a lot and I shouldn’t have kicked you out. I was hurt that you, my dad, I,” Josh stopped and gathered his thoughts.

 

“I care about you, Ty. You were my boyfriend, you are my boyfriend,” he said and Tyler hunched forward as he started to cry. 

 

“I’ll help you,” Josh said quietly, scooting over so he was beside Tyler and he pulled Tyler into a hug. 

 

They lay there tangled together as Tyler cried. They stayed like that until Josh’s parents got home and dinner was ready and they had to break apart to eat. 

 

The table was tense as Josh had a staring match with his father. It didn’t end until Tyler took Josh’s hand under the table and squeezed. 

 

They stumbled upstairs together and curled up in bed and Tyler cried again. 

 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered over and over again, only pausing when Josh leaned in to kiss him gently. They were a mess and Tyler was still mumbling his apologies. 

 

“I just wanted to be good enough to be with you,” Tyler whispered finally, his eyes tired from all the tears. He let them fall closed and be comforted by Josh’s body around him.

 

It was the first night that Tyler spent at Josh’s house and didn’t go downstairs. 

  
“You are good enough for me, I promise,” Josh whispered even after Tyler had fallen asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know your thoughts?
> 
> also, there will be one more part to this story. i've made up my mind that after the third fic, this little mini series will be over so.


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